目前分類：Murmur Kelly (169)

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  • Jun 13 Fri 2008 11:54

  • Am I ?

Sometimes, I like to sit in the corner of the coffee shop and pretend to read, but to observe people around. I am not well-socialized, and make wrong decision or judgment all the time. However, I have luck...I meet lots of good friends and advisories...give me lots of support and comments. Smile

It seems I focus in specific area and not really understand how the world operates and don't even know how people interact. (小太陽效應), I thought I know, but I don't know. Ironic, isn't it? I only focus on me, myself, and don't really care about others, too self-centric. haha...as what my friends said, everyone has the  小太陽效應, we can't see ourselves clearly, the angle is quite different, and we just blame on others, talk shit on others, stuff like that...

is "Not know too much" good? in the past, I feel that is good, I can just pay all my attention on what I care; time goes by, it might be good in the beginning, I found I need to know more to have better communication with others or need to know more to find the real answer. The answer does not exist on the surface of the thing, and it is not easy to understand it even it shows to you, Like philosophy, but it is life.
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I got some good news from my friends, so cool and happy for them. I am so lucky to know and get together with my friends. You are always nice to me and teach/support me a lot.

I am used to be a weird girl and sometimes easy-going, sometimes now. A bit gray or a bit blue, somehow, I am just as normal as other girls. Some said I am cute, some said I am happy all the time. Actually, I am sometimes sensitive and hard to get along with. Now I might be in the hole now.

Wondering and dreaming always. Just like the characteristics of Leo, romantic and out of rules. Somehow, inner conflicts show up, being restrictedly and unable to communicate. Trying to keep calm, and treasure my tears. It is beautiful, isn't it?
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It is April. How it can be that fast to enter spring..
In Beijing again, so wanna cry. I stressed too much, I guess. I always wanna do more than what I could do to test my own limitation and always make myself like crazy. There is some element inside me which I don't really know what is that. I just feel painful when I am alone in the night. Can't sleep, can't sleep.

Now, I am in Beijing, working. It is midnight, 2:35 am. Why I am still awake? I have a long "To-Do List" and never finish it. I always have lots lots of ideas and activities to execute in my job. Except my job, what else I have? Well, don't know how long I can hang on here. I can almost feel that. The upper limitation is close to me. So wanna get out from here. If I have tears, I would cry out loud.

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It was Beth's birthday.....3/21, how can I forget it? Actually, I always remember for the whole day yesterday. And keep reminding myself to give her a call when I have time, however, no time at all and exhausted. I don't know why...

Dear Beth, Happy Birthday.

It is a wonderful day. I got up early and went to have breakfast and vote, then I went to Danshui to have my lunch. Have lots of fun. After Danshui, I went to Pan's house, I should take some photos to share with you. I do appreciate to know Pan who is such a generous person and give me the opportunity to join this team and the most important thing is he always gives me guidance when I need him and motivate me a lot. Thanks, Pan, even I know you won't see this message. I really appreciate this.
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hey, Sun, please let me see you..

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I like holidays before, now..I hate it. I don't like to be home alone!!

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Just back from KTV. Nice!! Feel good.

It is long time (around 2 years) to meet those old friends. Cool...and appreciate their invitation~
a bit funny, a bit crazy, it is just to make me relax.

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it is 5 am in the morning. So early. I am preparing for Beijing trip now. Cold....The snow in Beijing should be melting...cold...
I didn't sleep last night. I am so tired. I feel so tired recently, and my face become older and older...ugly...actually, I am getting older. Someone said after 25, women will get old more and more faster. This is totally correct. I can feel it!! The feeling to get older is not only the winkle around eyes, but also get tired easily and unable to fall into sleep. I get lots of pompins..(forgot the spelling) on my face, so ugly...need to make some facial cure !!

miss the time in the past. free and without worries.
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it is long time to see the sunshine. Feel so happy. However, I was always disturbed by something and ruined my good intention.
To be honest, I hate the way I act and hate to be ruined. What's wrong with me? Emily questioned. I have no idea. I just can't stop it. I know I care too much and hurt myself. STOP! STOP! STOP!

I went to office today and stayed there for few hours!! I think I am a fool!!

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Most people have different masks to protect themselves or for some purposes that I was told is really true. Gradually, I have different masks now, and it will change silently without my command. I don't really like this fake world but need to learn how to survive. Under this kind of "edge" situation, to protect myself or to get better status, I can only show all kinds of masks in front of my lover or family, however, even with my family, I still have some "no-need-to-worry-me mask". So that, it is quite important to my lover to understand me, care of me, listen to me, communicate with me and etc. It is not easy for anyone to do those; when growing up, people will become more and more selfish, and no one will give their love anymore, and maybe I should say if the weight of "like" is not enough in one of the couples, and it is hard to sustain the relationship. I am not saying "Equal", just have some comments that if you fall in love with someone and you will change yourself all the time which you never know or observe it. If you don't really like they guy/girl, everything you've done to her is meaningless or just shit (excuse me). That might be some reason that I can't get loved, I am too easy to trust people with 28 age..

I am not strong at all, but no one knows. I know I can only cry at my own corner where no one will see or even give me some words. Sounds Sad? Fine. there is always More bad thing happening, I always say to myself. And I am always fine with "strong" and "firm" tone,(normally with some tears) which means I am really sad. disgusting, isn't it? I feel fine now. it is nice to write something down which I can do record easily and as well as memorize it.

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Hi, it is the 1st day of Rat - 2008..to be precisely....it is 2nd day...I went to a temple today...feel good. it is always nice to be in the peaceful environment, especially this kind of messy era. Not only "First", it is something that I feel like just need to say something here~a new thing to me. Welcome to the real world. I am still like a kid, wondering and dreaming that there is some paradise and people are nice and nice.!@#$%^&*~~~
 
Well, actually, I wanna say it is also some "Last Day" to me. it sounds funny, but maybe the so-called "Last Day" has been few days ago which I don't get realized. Shame on me. I am used to be an optimistic girl, and always give support to all my friends. However, these days, I am NOT!! I don't know why but can feel the change on me, which is unreasonable and almost lose myself and even hate myself a lot. It is really weird. I don't even know myself. just like depression....mm...I can say everything is all gone. At least I have tried my best. I know I still need some days to fill up to FULL.

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It is soooooo cold this week. Walking on the street, watching at the windows with fabulous clothes and accessories.
Hi, my name is Kelly, I told to new friends. Sometimes, just sometimes, I feel lonely. People get to know each other and become everyone's social networking. Read a book "Wikinomics" which is talking about it is another era in which wiki tech contribute, transform and help industries or different topics to another format. The most important is "SHARE". However, for business perspective, it is really hard for CEO to share their core activities or other information to externals. It is about "evaluation", what should be shared, what should keep as core company competence; how much to share, what might be resulted in....I like this book which gives some different point of view to do business and explains how this world is going to be.(that might not be correct 100%, however, it just describes some successful and failed cases for reference).

I am changing and transforming to another TYPE, which I am not familiar with and no idea how to do next step, and afraid of being transformed. This environment is nice on HARDWARE part, I like it.

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it is life. cool!! how wonderful my life is!!!
Another 20 days passed after the last article I share here. Again, time goes by.

I had drinks for three days in this week. I don't know i should say that is a terrific or terrible life, however, I did enjoy a lot(and also spend a lot).

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^_^ give myself a smile.
People always think the previous glory. There is no forever glory. Everything will be gone soon.
I am used to be optimistic, however, it is changing. Sometimes I need to use different point of view to see the world. I am too optimistic.

I got sick recently. it is no good. i don't wanna be sick and unable to do anything but lie on the bed.
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Time goes by...it is 2008...sitting in the living room after back from meeting...
It is cold, and cold. wind almost blows into my bone. COLD.

2007 is really a challenging year for me.
I laugh and cry a lot.
I see and know more.
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--轉錄--
台北之音廣播(股)公司暨HIT FM聯播網總經理　梁序倫
一早起來，你已經決定了，今天，你的心情好嗎！

從你清醒的一刻起、到洗臉刷牙的階段，你不自覺的，腦海中迴旋了多少次，今天會是怎樣的心情。

有的人先把『疲憊』擺進腦海，所以，今天就是一個精神、體力不濟的心情，做什麼事都不太有精神，也覺得好累。

有的人先把『煩惱』擺進腦海，所以，今天就是一個煩躁、苦惱的心情，做什麼事都很憂鬱、很煩惱。

也有的人，把每天當做一個新的『開始』，用微笑與喜悅的心情，來面對一天的事務，精神炯炯、幹勁十足。

其實，如果靜下來仔細想想，今天，你的心情好嗎?

真是一個有趣的「因果關係」。

如果，一開始你是用「希望」、「美好」，去看待一天的開始。那今天你一定是用『陽光』面的態度，去處理所有事務。

如果，一開始你是用「煩惱」、「灰暗」，去看待一天的開始。那今天你一定是用『陰雨』面的態度，去處理所有事務。

人類是具有『補強』功能的動物，從一早起床的「開機」，到睡著時的「關機」，都是一個Circle。

上天賦予我們的優勢是:每天都可以是一個新的開始。

你的心情，會是一種感染，發散到你與你的周遭。

而，怎麼去運用?就看每個人的悟性與功力。

今天，你的心情好嗎?


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Thanks, friends. I am fine. Don't worry about me. It is just a lesson for me, a critical lesson which I never experience, never think about it, and it just comes, silently.

it is also the time for me to learn the reality. I was protected well, and just like what we said the flower in the house, never know the rain and wind. it is a bit ridiculous that I still believe fairy tales. I am fine; it is all I wanna say.

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I feel lost. It is a bit terrible, but not really terrible; I can't describe the feeling through words. It is life. My dad told me, it is so-called "Life". Amazing. I have this experience yesterday. It is pleasure and important for me. Actually, I am really scared in the beginning. Cry, and cry. What I could do is just crying. Helplessness.

I wanna fly away. I am just like a body. What I will be? what I will look like when I am dead. it is not terrible, it is not. We all need to learn about death, to face what is the next step. I was shocked. Be happy anytime, and prepare the next step. We know it always comes.

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XXX~~
我忽然間超想沒品的啦~X的勒~XXX!@#$%^&*(~~~

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曲︰小蟲
詞︰小蟲
編︰GEORGE LEONG／小蟲

   ＊人生本來就是一齣戲
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